Valerie Bertinelli Shares Candid Insights About Past Relationships

Valerie Bertinelli is opening up to fans and sharing candid insights about her past relationships.

“I think about mistakes I’ve made in relationships a lot 😅 I’ve been on both sides of this and I think I finally have some perspective, so I thought I’d share,” she wrote in a lengthy Instagram post on February 18.

“When you feel hurt and wronged and know you deserve an apology but are being stonewalled by your partner because they’re feeling shame, maybe this can shift your thinking,” she shared.

She concluded the post by writing, “Then again, what do I know. I have two failed marriages and fumbled the last true good man I met. Maybe don’t take advice from me.😝” But fans responded positively. “Such great wisdom 🙏from your own personal experiences Val,” one fan wrote in the comment thread.

In November, People reported that Bertinelli and her boyfriend Mike Goodnough had broken up.

Valerie Bertinelli Offered Advice for Fans Going Through Relationship Issues

Bertinelli’s post continued by offering advice. “*How* are you bringing it up? Are you only pointing out what they’re doing wrong, being hypercritical, and expecting them to just fix it? That could be making things worse,” she added.

“Change, real change, never happens through criticism, shame, or pressure. They most likely already feel all that. (I know when I (expletive) up, oof, do I feel shame). When feeling attacked, a natural reaction is to shut down and get defensive and feel overwhelmed about changing behavior that may be a coping mechanism since childhood,” Bertinelli added.

“They’ll feel judged and feel like they can’t get anything right and they won’t really hear you.”

Valerie Bertinelli Suggested That People Work ‘With’ Their Partner

Getty

Bertinelli’s post focused on solutions.

“If you stop focusing on what they did wrong and instead approach with empathy and understanding, everything can then start to shift. Instead of saying, ‘You always do this!'” she wrote. “Maybe try, ‘This is how I feel when this happens, can we figure this out together?’ That one small change can make a difference.”

She continued: “Then you’re on the same team. You’re not working *against* each other, you’re working *with* each other. And hello, I’m not saying this is easy when you’ve been hurt and you want to lash out in anger (which is fear and/or grief and probably some of your own hidden childhood triggers). BUT, doing it differently may give you a better chance at getting the apology and amends that you deserve.”

“Looking for ways to show up for each other is a love language and it takes two to do it. Even when you feel wronged and think they should just know and do better,” she continued. “I think we all just want to do better and feel awful when we’ve hurt someone we love and shame prevents us from thinking clearly. Wouldn’t it be nice to relieve the one you love from shame so they can truly give you the amends you’re looking for?”